kwa

so i found that book yesterday. it was a major blizzard but we went out and got our feet very wet and frozen and i found the book...and realized the overwhelming impossibility of reading the original. i mean i COULD do it but it'd be more like deciphering than reading and i need to have it READ lol SOON so i'm not so freakin' behind...

school is a downer every time i think of it...i think i'd be learning more french (which i think was supposed to be the point...right?) if i weren't so worried and occupied and hating these classes...really it's just a bother...i have some french connections so i could just spend more time with those people and maybe if i wasn't in such a lousy mood always i would get up enough go-do to be outgoing once in a while.

i'm not really very good at school either...this ten page paper...i just have no idea what to write about...this literary prize...i don't think i can summon ten pages of intelligence on that...

plus i don't think i'm cut out to filter through a stack of books taller than me in the library all day

nor do i WANT to be cut out for it (so why practice?)

mostly i just wanted to speak decent french...i dunno why that is so much to ask for...

and then russian...i dunno what happened...was it all just a hypomanic dream? that was supposed to be my purpose in life and now what...i keep on chalking it up to the general confusion/identity crisis but it doesn't seem to fit...if it's really gone then i don't have a major anymore...unless i become a french major in which case rather than going to russia next year i should be moving out of paris into a small out of the way french place...

and then there's japanese...

i'm sick of thinking about all this junk

uhm...today i realized that my cell phone alarm is broken and that's why i can't seem to wake up on time...

this makes me mad...

i decided i'm going to treat myself to the novel that Howl's Moving Castle is based on...so i'm pretty excited about that...

i have some japanese movies to see today...i don't even really want to go...but i have tickets so i might as well and they will be good movies...i'm just still in a lousy mood

yesterday i did laundry and took out the trash and washed the dishes so that felt productive...but i still wish i had a broom...

and a mop...

i'm gonna see if emanuel will come shopping with me sometime...

also the window in my room doesn't close so a sweatshirt and my dictionary are holding it in a semi-closed position until it gets fixed...

bleck...now i just feel worse...anyhow time to go eat lunch and all that jazz...